When I first became a hypnotherapist over twenty years ago, I was eager to start a business helping people unlock the hidden powers of their minds. But I had no idea where to begin. I had just completed a highly competitive PhD program at one of the top neuroscience universities in the country, and while I knew a great deal about how the mind works, I had little knowledge of how to run a business. So, I began seeking out successful business owners.

One day in a yoga class, I met an acupuncturist who invited me to a BNI (Business Networking International) meeting. I assumed business networking would also be highly competitive, with everyone vying for the same limited resources. But my friend gave me a good vibe, so I decided to go. To my surprise, the BNI environment was not competitive but collaborative—a revelation that not only paved the way for my business success but also enriched my personal life. The friendships I made in those early meetings are still with me today.

Givers Gain

At the heart of BNI resides the simple, yet profound principle of ‘Givers Gain’. It’s an authentic testament to the power of generosity, a beacon guiding our interactions within our nurturing community. Giving without expecting anything in return not only enriches the giver but also transforms the receiver. This principle is so deeply ingrained into our members, it’s not merely a belief, but a way of life.

Being in a room of givers is like a breath of fresh air.

The 7 Pillars of Infinite Giving

The “Givers Gain” philosophy stands on 7 foundational pillars described in the book Infinite Giving by Ivan Misner, Greg Davies, and Julian Lewis. When embraced fully, these principles have the power to create meaningful change in the world.

  1. Focus on those in your light—your network, your circle of influence. The quality of our lives is greatly influenced by the people we surround ourselves with. Be intentional about who you choose to work with.
  2. Give without expectation. Offer your gifts freely, with no strings attached. When you expect something in return, the gift loses its essence and is reduced to a mere transaction.
  3. Give more than expected.  The most memorable and impactful gifts are those that are unexpected and personalized. This might be your time, resources, or undivided attention—anything that shows you truly care.
  4. Give only what you can afford. Sustainable giving means not overextending yourself. Whether it’s time, money, or energy, ensure your own well-being first. Fill your cup until it overflows, then give from the excess.
  5. Be willing to gain. – This often overlooked pillar is vital. Just as you give, allow yourself to receive. Recognize your needs and accept support from others whose cups are overflowing. Let them share the joy of giving back.
  6. Stay humble.  True humility isn’t about thinking less of yourself, but rather thinking of yourself less.
  7. Show gratitude.  Cultivate an abundance mindset by appreciating what you have and what you receive. Express your gratitude freely—it’s a powerful gift that costs little but means a lot. Studies show that practicing gratitude not only boosts your happiness but also enhances the well-being of those who receive it.

Giving is contagious, but instead of being an affliction, it’s a remedy for the soul. Embracing generosity doesn’t mean losing your competitive edge—in fact, it can enhance it. As I was preparing this, an old friend of mine, Dr. Jack Bourla, now president of Sherman College of Chiropractic in South Carolina, shared a quote with me: “You can’t out-give a giver… but you should try anyway.” So let the givers compete—and in the end, we all win!

– Dr. Cindy Sholes